I remember in grammar school when kids brought their neat little bundles of birthday invitations to classrooms. It was there, right in front of everyone, that you either got one...or you didn't. If you did get one, you ran home with it to ask your mom if you could go to the party. "Please, because all my friends will be there" was your plea. My mom usually rolled her eyes, but always said, "Let me call her/his mother". It was in that statement that I learned to regard the invitation answer as my first duty towards any party.
R.S.V.P. is the acronym for the French, "Respondez, s'il vous plait". Translated literally (my parents insisted I learn French) it means, "Respond, if you please" or "Please respond". Somewhere in the space-time continuum, the courtesy of acknowledgement has been lost. Forget letting your host know you are coming to the party. How about thanking her/him for taking the time to think enough of you to reserve a space at the table?
Here are a few, quick tips on becoming a kinder, gentler invitation getter:
- Take a moment to acknowledge the gesture of the invitation - Even if you aren't sure whether you can attend the event, or not, let the host know you have received their invite. Text, email or a quick call are sufficient
- Mark your calendar - The first step to managing your time is to allocate schedule space for all that you need and want to get done. Using your calendar not only makes space in your schedule, it also creates a reminder of the event. A neat trick I use to remember important dates and people is to create recurrences for wedding and birthday invitations. That way I remember the event every year!
- Add responding to the invitation to your to-do list - Even if you cannot make it, your host deserves to know so that he/she can plan accordingly
- Commit to attending ONLY if you know you will - The only thing that irks me more than those who do not respond to invitations...is the person who says they are coming and does NOT show up. On average, catering costs can be $65 per plate. Once you accept that invitation, your host is paying $65 whether you show up, or not. Short of unavoidable circumstances…keep your commitments
There are many rules of etiquette, as you travel and party the world abroad. Even top event specialists must do their research when working with clients of different cultures, myself included. One thing I strive to be is thoughtful in every gesture and present in the important moments. Responding to an invitation may seem trivial in the scheme of life’s challenges. But, at the end of the day, it is those small gestures that add up to the big picture of what our mind recalls as great memories. I set out to prove, daily, that it really is the Thought That Counts.
