Understanding the Cost of Wedding 'Spirits'

In many cases, brides can expect to spend nearly half of their wedding budget on the reception alone. However, they rarely understand how much they are spending on each invited guest. Want to know just how big that number is? Add up your estimated total for food & beverage (starting with pre-ceremony cocktails), venue cost, equipment rental, every piece of decor, flowers, music, cake, servers...everything. Then, divide that total by the number of guests you anticipate hosting. That number is how much you are truly spending on each guest, not the per plate cost your caterer quotes you. For example, if your total estimated reception cost is $12,800 for 100 people, you are spending $128 per guest. If nothing else does, that number alone should help you streamline your guest list.

When you want to maximize your wedding budget, it is important to understand and manage all of the costs for what you are planning. Left unattended (literally) the bar is one area that can wreak havoc on maintaining budget control. If you decide that you do want to serve alcohol at your wedding reception, here are some tips that will help you keep costs down:

1. Understand Your Venue's Alcohol Policy - Some venues will only allow you to use their bar and their licensed bartenders. Find out what package options are available and if they meet your needs before signing a contract. The convenience may be worth the extra cost. If you are allowed to bring in your own alcohol, be sure that there are no penalty fees to have the venue serve it. This can add up to $15 per bottle to your tab. In some cases this may cost you more than the wine. Important, know who is providing the ice
2. Serve Wine and Beer - You can save quite a bit by offering your guests just wine and beer. If you want something more personal, consider adding a signature drink to the menu. Some bartenders will create one just for you and it can be pre-mixed ahead of time for quick service or on display at cocktail hour
3. Hire a Bartender - Even though you will pay the bartender, he/she will pay for themselves by maintaining controls on individual consumption. In a self-serve bar, guests may waste and/or over pour. A bartender also makes other money saving options elegant , like serving from a keg rather than passing out individual beer bottles
4. Enlist the Expertise of Local Wine Stores - There is nothing wrong with joining the local wine club to get insider information on unadvertised specials. This is the move of a savvy bride. Find out if your liquor/package store offers case discounts on wine, beer and champagne. Also, make sure they will let you return unopened bottles of wine and champagne before you order
5. Consider Early 'Last Call' - When figuring out how much alcohol to buy, you will need to take into account the number of hours the bar remains open. If service cuts off 30-60 minutes before the end of the reception, you not only save that consumption cost, you help to limit the danger for guests who insist on having "one for the road"

Professional planners, caterers and food and beverage directors have formulas they use to estimate how much alcohol you may need for your reception. Factors like time of day, guest preferences, etc dictate how that formula is used. Here are 2 tools that may help you:

Drink Calculator From Evite

WineLog Drink Calculator

Keep in mind that these tools are designed to make sure you err on the side of abundance, not saving. I recommend that you go through your guest list and subtract those you know do not drink from the total count.

Keeping tabs (you should be used to my quirky puns by now) on your bar expenses is a smart way to maintain your overall budget. Enlisting one or more of the above tips can save you hundreds, if not, thousands of dollars. Now, who won't drink to that?

Your Wedding Plans Won't Please Everyone...

Today I received a call from a frenzied bride whose wedding is less than 4 weeks away. She had been chatting with her grandmother about final arrangements when the subject of flowers came up. Her grandmother asked for more details about what she had chosen. Before I could answer, my bride cried, she told me what the worst flowers for a wedding were, in her opinion. Every single flower she named, I have in the centerpieces! Oh boy...

I listened while she vented...and vented some more. This grandmother had given her money towards her wedding expenses. It was clear she felt that her grandmother had a right to share her opinion, which of course she did. What seemed to be causing her the most stress, however, was that she interpreted her grandmother's opinion as a call to action to change the flowers.

Involving others in your wedding planning can be a challenge. Some brides feel like they aren't getting enough support and some feel like they get too much. Every bride's situation is different. But there are some steps you can take to minimize conflict and set clear expectations when you start planning. Here are some good ones:

1. Decide Who the Wedding Plan Decision Maker(s) is/are - Usually the brides' top choice to get decision making help about the wedding are the groom and/or her own mother. Sometimes a sister, aunt, bff or godmother are the go-to person. Whomever you choose, make sure you let them know you are depending on them and how much involvement you want them to have. I have seen brides who want their mother to be more involved get frustrated when mom tries to let her daughter make all the choices... overwhelming her. I'm sure we all have heard stories about the mothers who take over, so no need to spend time there. Letting decision makers know up front what is expected takes away any guesswork. When you hire your vendors and planners, make sure you let them know who your trusted decision makers are
2. Enlist the Help of Dependable People - This seems like it would be common sense. Unfortunately, sometimes politics are involved in choosing your bridal party. But asking your fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid neither obligates her to nor implies she will help you with your planning. Be honest with yourself about who you ask for help. If you plan to enlist family and/or friends for catering, decorations, music, cake, hosting, etc please choose those who you know will deliver. This is especially important if you are thinking about not having a planner who can manage those details and the people the day of the wedding
3. Communicate Clearly- Wedding planning is emotional and can even be challenging at times. But if you do not communicate your vision clearly, it can throw the stress meter way up. Make sure you take the time to sit down with your planner and that she/he is speaking your wedding day language back to you. If she/he isn't painting the picture you have in mind, say so as soon as you realize it. Your wedding day is not the time to let them know that you aren't on the same page...or worse after the wedding is over. If you aren't sure what you have in mind, say it. This is likely your first wedding, so no one expects you to be the expert. If they do, run. A good planner will be able to point you in the right direction to make a choice that is right for you and your celebration

Just as in the marriage ahead, wedding planning will make you choose your battles. My young bride listened to her grandmother's unsolicited opinion and heard, must change flowers. But I reminded her that the reason she had picked the florist in the first place was because of the work she had seen with these very flowers. The mock-ups had been stunning. Second, these were her favorite flowers because her fiance had brought them to her every friday for the past 2 years.

My bride relaxed and took a deep breath. She realized that her grandmother had no idea what flowers she had chosen. Plus, she was totally confident in the florist's ability to create beautiful centerpieces. Those flowers made her happy, so it made sense to be surrounded by them on her wedding day. Her happiness was what her grandmother had clearly stated she wanted, so no changes were necessary.

Standing your ground doesn't mean preparing for battle. It can often be as simple as trusting your instincts that you made the right decision. If something isn't working, you can almost always change it. But staying true to what you want your celebration to be is a pretty good guarantee that it will be beautiful and one-of-a-kind because it reflects you. Have your once-in-a-lifetime day your way.

Setting the Pace for Your Wedding Plan

He finally popped the question and now you have the man of your dreams leading your futur.   On your finger is a beautiful, sparkling reminder of his love. And in your mind? The million and one things to be done before you can walk (run) down that aisle. Suddenly your ring becomes just a little bit heavier.

One of the first questions you have is probably, "What should I do first?" This is usually followed by, "Should I choose my date or the venue first?" or "Should I already have my dress ordered?" My answer? Take a deep breath.

You want everything to be perfect, so you want to make sure you are doing the right things at the right time. You don't want to be limited in your choices, so it makes sense not to wait until last minute on big decisions. You are excited and nervous and it is easy to let wedding preparation take over your life. But you have to pace yourself.

It is a cliche, but the fact remains, Rome wasn't built in a day. Your wedding plan will serve you much better if you allow yourself a reasonable amount of time to work it through. Trying to plan everything all at once will overwhelm you. This is how brides get burned out and/or become Bridezillas.

So, what should you be doing first? Here is a good place to start:

1. Decide on a Date - Your wedding date will be the driving force of your wedding plan. It will dictate how much or how little planning time you have available as well as venue/vendor availability. Think about the weather, surrounding holidays and travel schedules when you set your date, especially for a destination wedding. If you care more about the venue then the exact date, be flexible
2. Come up With and Stick to a Budget - Every bride has a budget, whether it is small, moderate or high-end. Wedding planning without one will guarantee a loss of control and over spending every time. Put your numbers on paper and refer to it for limits before any purchase. Make room in a tighter budget by not spending money on areas that aren't important to you, or limiting the number of guests for the reception. Focus on spending well, not just less. Also, having a smaller budget does not mean you can't afford to hire a wedding planner. In most scenarios, you cannot afford not to have one. She/He will have experience in knowing the areas you can save money without sacrificing the feel of your event. A good planner will also save you time and have relationships with vendors that offer quality service and products regardless of budget
3. Order your gown -  Once you have set your budget, you are ready to go shopping! Your dress will set the tone for everything else, especially the bridesmaid dresses (which should be within your next set of to-dos), so it is important that be your first purchase

After you finish these 3 things, you'll have set the framework for the rest of your wedding plan. Now, is also a good time to talk with and choose your wedding planner, if you haven't already. Make sure that your planner's availability, communication and work style match your own. This is your once-in-a-lifetime event, so you need to feel comfortable that they will bring your vision to life within the guidelines you set together. Your wedding day is not the time to discover you are not on the same page. 

To set up a FREE consultation, tell us about your plans and to find out if we are a match for your wedding celebration, call 888.236.7261.

You are one-of-a-kind, your once-in-a-lifetime should be too.

Keeping the Guest List From Stealing Your Joy

If your parents ever threw a dinner party, holiday party or attended a block party, you have at least heard some discussion about guest lists.  At our house, my mom wrote out her guest lists (always in pencil) and added/subtracted names based on various things which sometimes included my dad’s input.  I remember that certain sets of friends were invited to certain get-togethers, dinners, holidays, etc, as  rarely was there a “catch all” event at our house.  Having studied this art of combining people, I am now an expert at understanding that the true success of social gatherings lies in the meshing of personalities and not table decor.  But weddings are different.  Your wedding day is about you, your groom and the life you are beginning together.  Everyone on your guest list isn’t required to know each other, or even (take a deep breath) to get along.  If you want them to be there to share the day with you, send them an invitation.   Sounds simple, right?

Unfortunately, wedding guest lists are not always simple.  In some cases, they take on a life of their own.  I have had meetings with clients for the sole purpose of pruning/cutting/mediating the guest list.   I have met brides whose aunts, uncles, cousins, even parents stopped speaking to them over… the guest list.   In many cases it wasn’t even that these people had been left off the list themselves.  Some were put off because their special request to have so and so included, could not be met.  What about these lists makes people so emotional even to the point of being irrational?

Weddings are emotional events.  They are once-in-a-lifetime, beautiful and people love a good wedding. Even when I’m not working, I love the excitement and genuine emotion of a wedding.  But when I am working, a good part of what I do for the day involves managing the guests, so I understand when brides worry about the potential for drama locked within the guest list.  Let’s see if we can’t prevent some of that drama…

Many brides (and mother-of-the-brides) begin compiling the guest list before a budget has been determined and/or the venue has been chosen.  A modest budget, short of offering cake and punch, will not accommodate a guest list of several hundred people.  In similar fashion, your dreams of a small, intimate celebration with your closest and dearest may be trampled by the 250 “oldest friends” your mother insists would be insulted if not included.  Resist the urge to put any names down until you have decided what kind of wedding you and your fiancé want to have, how much you want to spend and where you would like the wedding to be.  Once you have determined these 3 things, minimize guest list drama by:

1.      Clarifying who will make final decisions on the guest list– Some brides and grooms ask for lists from both sets of parents when they are compiling names.  This works better when there is a generous budget to accommodate a larger venue and more guests.  However, if you and your groom have decided that you will manage your list, yourselves, make sure you are both communicating that in the same way to both families, together

2.       Understanding the true cost per guest to you – Sitting down with the caterer and choosing a menu option for $49.95 per person does not represent the true cost to invite someone to your wedding/reception.  In order for your guest to sit down for dinner, there must be a chair, a table setting and perhaps a chair cover.  For every 8-10 guests, add another table, another centerpiece, table linens and perhaps another server.  During dinner, there is likely a beverage option or open bar cost that is separate from the catering cost.  Once you know what it will cost to deck your reception hall, feed your guests and make sure their whistle is wet divide that ballpark by the number of guests you estimate coming.  That is your true per guest cost.  It is likely closer to $100 by the time everything is said and served…per guest.   When my couples are on the fence about certain guests or even work acquaintances being invited, I ask if they would spend that true per guest cost to take that person out to dinner.  This one question usually works to reduce at least 10 – 15 % of the list

3.       Making the list a reflection of what is important to you for your wedding day – Deciding the tone of your wedding beforehand will really help you tailor a guest list to fit.  If you don’t want a lot of fuss and drama, then you probably instinctively know who not to invite.  Choosing a small, intimate location commands that the guest list reflect that.  Stick with whatever you decide, whether it be more is more or less is more

4.       Not sending out Save-the-Dates unless you intend to invite – I know that this seems obvious.  But sometimes brides get so excited that obvious goes out the window.  You will add drama to your celebration if you try to cut your list back after the fact.  That is why budget and venue decisions should be done before the guest list

5.       Letting yourself off the hook – You get married one time…to each other.  If you focus on pleasing everyone else, you will miss the mark of your day, which should be to share the celebration of your love with loved ones.  If you are financially able and willing to invite everyone you know to your wedding, go for it.  If you are neither, then be realistic with yourselves first, and honest with others throughout.  There is no crime in having the wedding of your dreams, at the venue you choose, with the people you want, within the budget you have set

Guest lists are nothing more than a planning tool and should be managed like all other tools leading up to and on your wedding day.  The natural progression of a guest list is that it becomes a seating chart for your reception.  It may take a few twists and turns along the way.  But, a good planner will help you manage it from inception, to invitations, to RSVP collection through to a final headcount for the caterer.  Sounds simple, right?  Yours can be!

Embracing the "B" Word

In an ideal world, it would be fantastic to plan the wedding you wanted, without having to consult your checkbook at all.  The choices are infinite...until you see the price tags.  But a savvy bride, which you obviously are, knows how to maximize the budget she is working with and have the wedding of her dreams.  But how do you put together a budget for a wedding?  How much does a "nice" wedding versus the version you have in your head cost?  The only way to work through these questions and make wise financial decisions is to put pen to paper.  Yes, you must create a budget.

 

Regardless of how much each bride has to spend, every wedding has an overall budget.  The exact number is going to be decided either by what you choose to spend, or what you actually have to spend.  Deciding on what that number is, before you start planning anything, will save you headaches and lots of money down the road.

 

The first number that you want to write down is the total number of dollars that you have or are willing to spend on everything associated with the wedding events.  It is best to work with a concrete number based on resources you know that you can count on.  If your Great Aunt Hilda offers to pay for your flowers, thank her.  But do not count on that money being a part of your budget until you get a check in your hand.  There are plenty of horror stories of brides who are forced to run around in the last few weeks before their wedding because they spent money they did not actually have in hand.  Included in those stories are tales of couples who have come home from a honeymoon to no lights and an empty fridge until the next 2 paydays... Not a good start to your marriage.

 

After you have written down your number, decide how you want to divide it among the many expenses associated with a wedding.  Take a look at the budget guide that is attached.  This is one of the tools I share with couples to help them see where the dollars of their overall budget can go.  The percentages are just estimates of what you can expect to spend as it relates to your overall budget. However, keep in mind that your budget dictates the rules.  If flowers are not important enough for you to spend 8% of your budget on them, don't.  Use that money elsewhere, or keep it in your pocket.  The same goes with any other aspect.  The best way to maximize any wedding budget is to focus your dollars on what matters to you.  If your pictures are the most important thing for you, point your dollars in that direction and hire a great photographer. 

 

On the average, weddings have been reported to cost $25,000.  That does not mean that that should be the number you aim to spend or that your wedding won't be what you want even if you do.  One way to tame costs up front is to analyze and minimize your guest list.  Even though the caterer has quoted you $35 per person, each head at the table actually costs you more than that.  Consider that for each additional 8-10 people on your list, you add another table, chairs, linens, floral decor, an additional server and maybe even a larger, more costly venue to accomodate them.  Having those 100 guests at a $25,000 wedding really translates to $135 per guest.  Considering this true cost, is every person on your list that dear to you?  Think about that before you send out your save-the-dates.

 

Here are some steps to becoming great friends with your wedding budget:

 

1. Decide What Will Be Spent, Then Shop - Once you get engaged, it is a natural instinct to want to start flipping through bridal magazines and making appointments to pick out dresses, shoes, linens, etc. But, resist the urge until you have consulted your future partner for life and/or all concerned with the financial input towards the wedding.  You will spend your planning time much more wisely if you know what you have to spend and can shop with a keen eye for who will deliver what you want, with the service and quality you deserve at the best value
2. When You Spend it, Write it Down - I cannot tell you how many brides have busted their budget because they did not keep track of everything they were actually spending.  Picking up minor things like fabric swatches, ribbons and wedding doo dads on sale adds up...and fast.  Writing down your purchases and holding onto receipts will help you to see where you are in your overall spending.  When you see those totals rising you have the information to make some decisions or some returns
3. Discounts Should be Offered, Not Demanded - This can be a sticky situation for brides and wedding professionals. If you have your heart set on the floral designing talents of a certain area florist, but know their work is outside of your price range, proceed with caution.  It is okay to ask about any promotional discounts they may have.  However, trying to haggle them down until they agree to the price that will fit your budget may end up leaving you both with a bad taste in your mouth.  This is certainly not the foundation you want to build your vendor relationships with.  A good wedding planner will be able to help you navigate the area vendors and may even secure discounts based on relationships she has built with them over time.  This is a tactic that can help you save dollars across the board
4. Allow Your Budget to Do Its Job - If you are not realistic about what you truly have to spend and work within your budget, it will not help you.  Be honest with yourself first and then your planner about the monies you have to make your day everything you want it to be.  Communicating honestly will help you set realistic expectations that can be met, which will help you feel much more in control of and relaxed during your wedding celebration.  Your budget is your friend, if you allow it to be

The Wedding Budget is a great tool when used properly. It can guide you in many ways and keep you on task in others.  It will help you make rational decisions amidst a sea of emotional tugs and bridal twinges.  It will also serve as a great scapegoat when your mom tries to introduce 25 new names to the headcount... "Sorry, Mom.  The budget is set for x number at the reception and we can't go over that. Thanks for understanding."

 

Have the wedding that you always wanted and do it within your means.

Navigating the Bridal Show

If you are engaged, or soon-to-be, one of the first things you may do is sign up for every bridal fair… within a 50 mile radius.  That is okay, if you want to spend up to 5 or 6 hours every weekend amidst a mob of people.  But chances are, after the first 2 or 3, you will be likely be way over it, and may still not have any usable information.  Worse, you can be so overwhelmed by all the information you did receive, that you don’t remember much at all and certainly not enough to make decisions about vendors.  However, good news!  There is a way to maneuver a bridal show so that you get the most out of each one you attend and walk away with valuable contacts and information to help you start planning.

When you are deciding which shows to attend, make sure you do some research.  Read the feedback that brides have left from that show in past years.  Did they have quality vendors?  Did they have vendors showcasing what you are looking for?  Did they have enough vendors to meet the needs of the population at the show?  These are things you want to find out before you start paying entry fees.  If you already have a wedding planner, ask them if they recommend any particular show, or are exhibiting at any.  Sometimes, they can get you a free pass (or two) as their guest plus give you insight you might not otherwise get.

Once you have decided which shows you want to test the waters in, decide who is going with you.  In the past 2 years, I am happy to see there are more couples attending the bridal shows together.  If you are bringing your fiancé, you definitely want to have a plan to maximize his attention span.  Moms, sisters and girlfriends are always fun too.  Be sure that you invite those who will help you navigate the space, information and share valuable feedback.

Once you have decided which exhibits you will attend, register.  It is a much richer experience when you come as an expected guest (wear your name badge).  If you choose not to, make sure you know what payment methods are accepted at the door.  As part of your navigation strategy, consider and use the following tips:

1.       Do a Little Homework to Conserve a lot of Legwork – Typically larger bridal shows (The Great Bridal Expo, Unveiled Wedding Event) will list the vendors they have slotted to be at the event.  Take some time to look them up online.  Keep a list of the vendors you are most interested in and questions you want to ask them directly.  When you get to the event, mark their names and locations in your guide to make sure you get to their booth/table before the day is over.  This doesn’t mean you won’t take in all the vendors, but you want to focus on those that may be a match for your celebration.  Also, wear comfortable shoes so that you can focus on the experience and not the amount of walking you will do

2.       Be Prepared to Collect and Keep Complete Information – It’s okay to bring a notebook for notes.  You will probably get at least one notepad in your goody bag from the exhibit.  However, you want to take notes you will understand later.  A tool I always carry is a pad of sticky notes.  When you pick up the business cards or information packet from different vendors, it is easy to jot down notes on the sticky and attach it directly to their information.  Later on, when you are going through the pile and you want to remember the name of the florist with the beautiful peonies n display, you have your sticky note to help.  Also, make note of things/comments/displays you are not impressed with.  Vendors should be putting their best foot forward at an exhibit.  If they cut corners with their display or materials, you want to remember that if you are considering using their service and how that might translate into delivering on your wedding day.  Taking lots of pictures is a great way to keep up with what you liked and/or didn't

3.       Leave an Impression – You are not only looking for the best vendors for your wedding day, the best vendors are also looking for their ideal brides.  When you present yourself as such, they will be excited to meet with you and follow up.  Make it quick and easy by bringing either pre-printed labels or slips of paper with your contact and wedding date information on them.  Many vendors have specials they make available specifically to exhibition participants.   You want to be on that list

4.       Do Not Impulse Shop – Exhibits can be an intoxicating experience.  Vendors intentionally design their set ups to intrigue and engage all of your senses to stir up the emotional connections that take place when you select them for your dream wedding.  However, you should always sit down and talk to a vendor about your day, one-on-one in an environment that allows you to gauge how well you will work together.  It is absolutely okay to fall in love with a vendor at the exhibit (that is why they are there with the most wonderful raspberry/lemon cake with Swiss butter cream icing).  It is a better idea to do a bit more research before you make any major decisions. Beware of vendors who are pushing on the spot purchases or packages that are only available if you pay that day

Bridal exhibitions are fun.  There is wine and champagne to sip, cake and cocktail hors d’oeuvres to taste, massages to get, vendors to meet, DJs/bands to hear, fashion shows to watch and prizes to win (honeymoon packages are still some of the best prizes).  But along with all the excitement, there is some business to take care of. Make it easy on yourself by planning ahead and maximizing your time spent there.  You will find the experience much more rewarding. 

Ali & Brandon Hux 10.8.2011

My line of work affords me the privilege of meeting and working with some amazing people.  I especially love weddings because they create once-in-a-lifetime moments all the way up to the big day.  My brides often become more than clients, because we spend really important time together.  In perfect situations, the groom is equally invested in the bond, as it was with Ali Burroughs and Brandon Hux. 

When I met my "Ali Girl", she had a huge planning portfolio that she rolled around, filled to the brim with business cards, swatches, cut outs and ideas.  However, she had also just moved back to her native Atlanta to start a new job, close on a house and still share commute duty, some weekends to see Brandon.  He was still living in NC along with their 2 dogs, 2 cats and turtle. With all of the "life" stuff going on, Ali was not exactly enthusiastic about the planning part of the wedding.  She knew what she wanted, but felt a bit overwhelmed by all of the details and to-dos.  To her credit, she had made some major commitments to a wedding date, venue, dress, colors and her signature flower, gerbera daisies.  As we worked together, all of the rest fell right into place. 

Brandon and Ali are an adorable couple, who are so obviously crazy about each other.  In the 6 months we spent planning (and eating) and tasting and choosing, we came to know each other pretty well.  That was pretty important in the final days of planning when we had to find a new venue after the relationship with the previously chosen site went sour.... 10 days before the wedding, to be exact.  But blessings show up in some interesting packages.  Little Gardens ended up being the perfect location for a beautiful day! Their event staff hopped into motion so quickly and professionally, I ended up having less to worry about than I would have ever expected with such a tight time frame.  The bride and groom were treated like the stars they are and the guests were impressed with everything, especially the food catered by A Divine Event (one of my favorites).

Photographer, Rebecca Bunch did a fantastic job of capturing the details of the day:

 

Bouquets by Paul Brummer of Rooms in Bloom



Tag Trees for Guest Seating by Thought That Counts Events





Bride wore her mother's veil refurbished by Jet Taylor of Mecklenburg Bridal



Bride and Mom all smiles!

 Food and Florals by A Divine Event were FANTASTIC!



One of my guaranteed teary moments, Father/Daughter Dance...



This was the pommander ball she was carrying... Either the photos were taking too long, or we have a budding florist on our hands.

Groom's Cake - Raspberry Cheesecake

Father of the Bride performed double duty as driver!

Lovely, Lavender filled favor bags!  Everything smelled wonderful.

Photographer: Photography by Rebecca
Event Venue: Little Gardens
Bouquets/Corsages/Boutonnieres: Rooms in Bloom
Caterer: A Divine Event
Wedding Cake: Celso's Cakes

Bridezilla Prevention Boot Camp...



COMING SOON!




We have all seen at least one episode of reality television with a woman to be wed behaving badly.  In fact, there is now a proper name for such a woman, "Bridezilla".  But at the root of every "Zillas" bad behavior is usually unmanageable stress.  Sadly, that stress could probably have been prevented with a few simple measures. 

What causes a bride to become a Bridezilla?

Bridezillism^(TM)... a condition that causes a bride to respond and/or react to situations and people uncharacteristically as a result of wedding planning stress.  This stress is most common in the absence of preventive maintenance or adequate support.  Strains of this condition have been known to show up in close friends, family members and/or especially the wedding party with most cases reported in the mother of the bride/groom.

Now that we know what causes a Bridezilla, how do we help the newly engaged steer clear of this path?  Bridezilla Prevention Boot Camp!  We have put together an informative, impactful series of preparatory webinars for the newly engaged bride who has a wedding to plan and no idea where to begin.  Before, after or while you are searching to hire your planner, you need to make sure you get in on this information!

After the Boot Camp Series you will be equipped to handle some major pain points:

• Beginning Planning
• Where to start and not feel like you are falling behind
• What to do 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th
• The most important thing to plan an absolutely perfect wedding
• Involving Others in Your Wedding Plans/Planning Process
• What are the roles of the Bridesmaids, Maid/Matron of Honor and everyone else?
• How do I handle his mother/my mother?
• How do I ask for help and not lose control of my wedding?
• Vendor Selection... How, Who and Where Do I Choose?
• How to find the best vendors
• Contract questions I have to ask and terms to understand
• Enlisting Help
• How to decide if and when I should hire a wedding planner
• Warning signs that a coordinator may not be the fit for me
• Keeping My Cool While Everyone Tells me to, "Relax"
• Setting realistic expectations for me, my honey and everyone else
• Taking wedding planning breaks (days or even weeks off is okay)

This is just a snapshot of the information that you will receive.  But here comes the best part... If you are one of the first 50 to sign up for the 1st in the series, when the Boot Camp goes live, you will get the first sesson completely FREE plus 15 minutes of one-on-one Q&A time with me.  Subscribe to the blog today to make sure you are in the know for the GO LIVE date.

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When Your Gut Screams ‘No’, Listen

Trusting Your Instincts When Selecting Venues, Vendors and Value

One of the scary things about wedding planning, for brides who have never done it before, is the potential for mistakes and disasters like those we see on TV.  This is one of the biggest days of your life, so it makes sense that you want everything to be just right.  In your mind, your dress, your venue and your decorations are perfect.  You can hear the music that’s playing when you walk down the aisle and during your first dance as the Mrs.  You have been thinking about some of these details since the day you realized, “He’s the one”.   And along with all of the details being perfect, you want everyone to have an amazing time at your wedding. You want to have the most amazing time at your wedding. 

So what mistakes are possible? Countless.  Why? Because, you probably haven’t planned a wedding.   And, isn’t that the reason you hire professionals to help you manage through the wedding jungle?  Who knew there were so many choices and decisions to make? How much should the right amount of flowers cost?  How do I know when I am getting a good deal, rate or package price at the venue?  What do I do to make sure vendors are trustworthy?  Start by trusting your instincts…your gut.

One of my cutest couples learned to trust their gut the hard way.  They found their venue first and then me.  And although they loved everything about the venue itself, they were not feeling the love from the owners.  In fact, they questioned whether or not they should change venues more than once.  This was the first red flag.  In almost every correspondence, the owners mentioned how busy they were and that they would get back to them as soon as they could.  This made the bride and groom feel like there wasn’t time for their wedding or their many questions.  After reaching out to schedule a visit to meet the owners, I began to understand why my bride and groom were uneasy.  The owners had done hundreds of weddings at their beautiful location.  However, they weren’t communicating in a way that made this couple feel like would not just be one of the many.

After months of planning, the relationship with the venue only soured.  The bride and groom continued to have questions and the owners continued to be “very busy giving tours, maintaining the property, answering leads and booking brides”. In one situation, the owners became angry because they had extended a discount to the couple without first letting them know what the real cost was.  It is difficult for anyone to appreciate a gift they don’t know they have received.  Communicating actual cost up front would have helped the bride and groom establish the value of their package and then appreciate the gift of the discount.  Instead, they were confused and hurt when the owner expressed frustration.

So, how do you know when to move forward from a venue or vendor?  Here are some tips I follow as a wedding pro and as a consumer:

·     When you are visiting a venue and you see, hear, smell or feel something that brings up a question, ask it –Your intuition is trained to pick up on things that aren’t quite right to or for you.  Those not-right-things probably aren’t strange and sinister every time, but it makes sense to get the answers earlier rather than too late.  It’s always a good idea to read the online reviews thoroughly.  Even if the reviewer gives 5 stars, they may still share negative feedback.  Look for trends on specifics like attention to detail, professionalism of the staff and overall treatment of guests.  Those are areas that you don’t want to sacrifice for a pretty backdrop

·     If any vendor makes you feel like you are wasting their time with your questions, run – Most brides are planning their first wedding for the first time.  You aren’t supposed to be the expert on flowers, the professional florist is.  It is a part of their job to answer your questions, no matter that they have done so for 50 brides before you that day.  A vendor that is impatient in meeting with you, may also be impatient in meeting your needs and getting your details just right.  Talent should not excuse a vendor from providing good customer service

·     If a vendor describes your wedding as their masterpiece, proceed with caution – There are some very talented florists, designers and artists who create beautiful things and scenery every day.  However, none of that matters if they do not get your vision right.  Make sure that you hear what you want to see.  If you aren’t sure about their interpretation of the pictures and diagrams you have shown them, tell them immediately.  Hoping they will “get it” and pull everything together on your wedding day is a huge chance to take for a once-in-a-lifetime event and almost a guarantee for disappointment.  Communicate clearly and consistently about what you have in mind all the way through the process

·     If a vendor doesn’t make you feel special, take the hint – You are planning one wedding…yours. Be very careful about giving your business to anyone who makes you feel like your wedding day is one of hundreds for the year.  Top vendors will be in demand, that is a given.  But a true professional will give you the attention you need and deserve and knows how to make their schedule accommodate their clients.  If you don’t feel valued, walk away

In the end, the young couple had a very beautiful wedding… at another venue.  They were not able to bridge the gap with the owners and, unfortunately,  did not trust them with this very important day, despite loving the venue.  We were fortunate to find a location that met all of their needs and exceeded their expectations in customer service  This story ended happily.  But a tough lesson was learned.

Your wedding day is special.  It is a once-in-a-lifetime moment that you will remember for the rest of your life.  When you choose vendors and professionals, it is okay to be excited and expect them to be excited for you.  If something isn’t clear, ask questions.  If you aren’t sure about anything, delay making a decision, or paying a deposit until you can gather more information, time permitting.  Planning far enough in advance affords you the time to choose vendors well.  If you hire a planner, share any concerns you may have with them.  They may have the history and background to address your issues quickly or find other referrals who can.

Finally, be realistic and fair in your choosing.  Some personalities work better together than others.  If you and a vendor simply do not share the same “vibe”, decide how important that is to you if you love their work. This may not be a good idea for the planner, who is your right hand and, sometimes, your representative.  But, it may be okay that you aren’t warm fuzzy with the baker who can create the Lemon/Raspberry cake with Swiss butter cream icing of your dreams.  A vendor has provided you with good value when they communicate to set proper expectations, deliver consistently on their promises and especially on event day.  You deserve that. Your gut just makes sure you know it.