Your Wedding Plans Won't Please Everyone...

Today I received a call from a frenzied bride whose wedding is less than 4 weeks away. She had been chatting with her grandmother about final arrangements when the subject of flowers came up. Her grandmother asked for more details about what she had chosen. Before I could answer, my bride cried, she told me what the worst flowers for a wedding were, in her opinion. Every single flower she named, I have in the centerpieces! Oh boy...

I listened while she vented...and vented some more. This grandmother had given her money towards her wedding expenses. It was clear she felt that her grandmother had a right to share her opinion, which of course she did. What seemed to be causing her the most stress, however, was that she interpreted her grandmother's opinion as a call to action to change the flowers.

Involving others in your wedding planning can be a challenge. Some brides feel like they aren't getting enough support and some feel like they get too much. Every bride's situation is different. But there are some steps you can take to minimize conflict and set clear expectations when you start planning. Here are some good ones:

1. Decide Who the Wedding Plan Decision Maker(s) is/are - Usually the brides' top choice to get decision making help about the wedding are the groom and/or her own mother. Sometimes a sister, aunt, bff or godmother are the go-to person. Whomever you choose, make sure you let them know you are depending on them and how much involvement you want them to have. I have seen brides who want their mother to be more involved get frustrated when mom tries to let her daughter make all the choices... overwhelming her. I'm sure we all have heard stories about the mothers who take over, so no need to spend time there. Letting decision makers know up front what is expected takes away any guesswork. When you hire your vendors and planners, make sure you let them know who your trusted decision makers are
2. Enlist the Help of Dependable People - This seems like it would be common sense. Unfortunately, sometimes politics are involved in choosing your bridal party. But asking your fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid neither obligates her to nor implies she will help you with your planning. Be honest with yourself about who you ask for help. If you plan to enlist family and/or friends for catering, decorations, music, cake, hosting, etc please choose those who you know will deliver. This is especially important if you are thinking about not having a planner who can manage those details and the people the day of the wedding
3. Communicate Clearly- Wedding planning is emotional and can even be challenging at times. But if you do not communicate your vision clearly, it can throw the stress meter way up. Make sure you take the time to sit down with your planner and that she/he is speaking your wedding day language back to you. If she/he isn't painting the picture you have in mind, say so as soon as you realize it. Your wedding day is not the time to let them know that you aren't on the same page...or worse after the wedding is over. If you aren't sure what you have in mind, say it. This is likely your first wedding, so no one expects you to be the expert. If they do, run. A good planner will be able to point you in the right direction to make a choice that is right for you and your celebration

Just as in the marriage ahead, wedding planning will make you choose your battles. My young bride listened to her grandmother's unsolicited opinion and heard, must change flowers. But I reminded her that the reason she had picked the florist in the first place was because of the work she had seen with these very flowers. The mock-ups had been stunning. Second, these were her favorite flowers because her fiance had brought them to her every friday for the past 2 years.

My bride relaxed and took a deep breath. She realized that her grandmother had no idea what flowers she had chosen. Plus, she was totally confident in the florist's ability to create beautiful centerpieces. Those flowers made her happy, so it made sense to be surrounded by them on her wedding day. Her happiness was what her grandmother had clearly stated she wanted, so no changes were necessary.

Standing your ground doesn't mean preparing for battle. It can often be as simple as trusting your instincts that you made the right decision. If something isn't working, you can almost always change it. But staying true to what you want your celebration to be is a pretty good guarantee that it will be beautiful and one-of-a-kind because it reflects you. Have your once-in-a-lifetime day your way.