Your Wedding Plans Won't Please Everyone...

Today I received a call from a frenzied bride whose wedding is less than 4 weeks away. She had been chatting with her grandmother about final arrangements when the subject of flowers came up. Her grandmother asked for more details about what she had chosen. Before I could answer, my bride cried, she told me what the worst flowers for a wedding were, in her opinion. Every single flower she named, I have in the centerpieces! Oh boy...

I listened while she vented...and vented some more. This grandmother had given her money towards her wedding expenses. It was clear she felt that her grandmother had a right to share her opinion, which of course she did. What seemed to be causing her the most stress, however, was that she interpreted her grandmother's opinion as a call to action to change the flowers.

Involving others in your wedding planning can be a challenge. Some brides feel like they aren't getting enough support and some feel like they get too much. Every bride's situation is different. But there are some steps you can take to minimize conflict and set clear expectations when you start planning. Here are some good ones:

1. Decide Who the Wedding Plan Decision Maker(s) is/are - Usually the brides' top choice to get decision making help about the wedding are the groom and/or her own mother. Sometimes a sister, aunt, bff or godmother are the go-to person. Whomever you choose, make sure you let them know you are depending on them and how much involvement you want them to have. I have seen brides who want their mother to be more involved get frustrated when mom tries to let her daughter make all the choices... overwhelming her. I'm sure we all have heard stories about the mothers who take over, so no need to spend time there. Letting decision makers know up front what is expected takes away any guesswork. When you hire your vendors and planners, make sure you let them know who your trusted decision makers are
2. Enlist the Help of Dependable People - This seems like it would be common sense. Unfortunately, sometimes politics are involved in choosing your bridal party. But asking your fiance's sister to be a bridesmaid neither obligates her to nor implies she will help you with your planning. Be honest with yourself about who you ask for help. If you plan to enlist family and/or friends for catering, decorations, music, cake, hosting, etc please choose those who you know will deliver. This is especially important if you are thinking about not having a planner who can manage those details and the people the day of the wedding
3. Communicate Clearly- Wedding planning is emotional and can even be challenging at times. But if you do not communicate your vision clearly, it can throw the stress meter way up. Make sure you take the time to sit down with your planner and that she/he is speaking your wedding day language back to you. If she/he isn't painting the picture you have in mind, say so as soon as you realize it. Your wedding day is not the time to let them know that you aren't on the same page...or worse after the wedding is over. If you aren't sure what you have in mind, say it. This is likely your first wedding, so no one expects you to be the expert. If they do, run. A good planner will be able to point you in the right direction to make a choice that is right for you and your celebration

Just as in the marriage ahead, wedding planning will make you choose your battles. My young bride listened to her grandmother's unsolicited opinion and heard, must change flowers. But I reminded her that the reason she had picked the florist in the first place was because of the work she had seen with these very flowers. The mock-ups had been stunning. Second, these were her favorite flowers because her fiance had brought them to her every friday for the past 2 years.

My bride relaxed and took a deep breath. She realized that her grandmother had no idea what flowers she had chosen. Plus, she was totally confident in the florist's ability to create beautiful centerpieces. Those flowers made her happy, so it made sense to be surrounded by them on her wedding day. Her happiness was what her grandmother had clearly stated she wanted, so no changes were necessary.

Standing your ground doesn't mean preparing for battle. It can often be as simple as trusting your instincts that you made the right decision. If something isn't working, you can almost always change it. But staying true to what you want your celebration to be is a pretty good guarantee that it will be beautiful and one-of-a-kind because it reflects you. Have your once-in-a-lifetime day your way.

When Your Gut Screams ‘No’, Listen

Trusting Your Instincts When Selecting Venues, Vendors and Value

One of the scary things about wedding planning, for brides who have never done it before, is the potential for mistakes and disasters like those we see on TV.  This is one of the biggest days of your life, so it makes sense that you want everything to be just right.  In your mind, your dress, your venue and your decorations are perfect.  You can hear the music that’s playing when you walk down the aisle and during your first dance as the Mrs.  You have been thinking about some of these details since the day you realized, “He’s the one”.   And along with all of the details being perfect, you want everyone to have an amazing time at your wedding. You want to have the most amazing time at your wedding. 

So what mistakes are possible? Countless.  Why? Because, you probably haven’t planned a wedding.   And, isn’t that the reason you hire professionals to help you manage through the wedding jungle?  Who knew there were so many choices and decisions to make? How much should the right amount of flowers cost?  How do I know when I am getting a good deal, rate or package price at the venue?  What do I do to make sure vendors are trustworthy?  Start by trusting your instincts…your gut.

One of my cutest couples learned to trust their gut the hard way.  They found their venue first and then me.  And although they loved everything about the venue itself, they were not feeling the love from the owners.  In fact, they questioned whether or not they should change venues more than once.  This was the first red flag.  In almost every correspondence, the owners mentioned how busy they were and that they would get back to them as soon as they could.  This made the bride and groom feel like there wasn’t time for their wedding or their many questions.  After reaching out to schedule a visit to meet the owners, I began to understand why my bride and groom were uneasy.  The owners had done hundreds of weddings at their beautiful location.  However, they weren’t communicating in a way that made this couple feel like would not just be one of the many.

After months of planning, the relationship with the venue only soured.  The bride and groom continued to have questions and the owners continued to be “very busy giving tours, maintaining the property, answering leads and booking brides”. In one situation, the owners became angry because they had extended a discount to the couple without first letting them know what the real cost was.  It is difficult for anyone to appreciate a gift they don’t know they have received.  Communicating actual cost up front would have helped the bride and groom establish the value of their package and then appreciate the gift of the discount.  Instead, they were confused and hurt when the owner expressed frustration.

So, how do you know when to move forward from a venue or vendor?  Here are some tips I follow as a wedding pro and as a consumer:

·     When you are visiting a venue and you see, hear, smell or feel something that brings up a question, ask it –Your intuition is trained to pick up on things that aren’t quite right to or for you.  Those not-right-things probably aren’t strange and sinister every time, but it makes sense to get the answers earlier rather than too late.  It’s always a good idea to read the online reviews thoroughly.  Even if the reviewer gives 5 stars, they may still share negative feedback.  Look for trends on specifics like attention to detail, professionalism of the staff and overall treatment of guests.  Those are areas that you don’t want to sacrifice for a pretty backdrop

·     If any vendor makes you feel like you are wasting their time with your questions, run – Most brides are planning their first wedding for the first time.  You aren’t supposed to be the expert on flowers, the professional florist is.  It is a part of their job to answer your questions, no matter that they have done so for 50 brides before you that day.  A vendor that is impatient in meeting with you, may also be impatient in meeting your needs and getting your details just right.  Talent should not excuse a vendor from providing good customer service

·     If a vendor describes your wedding as their masterpiece, proceed with caution – There are some very talented florists, designers and artists who create beautiful things and scenery every day.  However, none of that matters if they do not get your vision right.  Make sure that you hear what you want to see.  If you aren’t sure about their interpretation of the pictures and diagrams you have shown them, tell them immediately.  Hoping they will “get it” and pull everything together on your wedding day is a huge chance to take for a once-in-a-lifetime event and almost a guarantee for disappointment.  Communicate clearly and consistently about what you have in mind all the way through the process

·     If a vendor doesn’t make you feel special, take the hint – You are planning one wedding…yours. Be very careful about giving your business to anyone who makes you feel like your wedding day is one of hundreds for the year.  Top vendors will be in demand, that is a given.  But a true professional will give you the attention you need and deserve and knows how to make their schedule accommodate their clients.  If you don’t feel valued, walk away

In the end, the young couple had a very beautiful wedding… at another venue.  They were not able to bridge the gap with the owners and, unfortunately,  did not trust them with this very important day, despite loving the venue.  We were fortunate to find a location that met all of their needs and exceeded their expectations in customer service  This story ended happily.  But a tough lesson was learned.

Your wedding day is special.  It is a once-in-a-lifetime moment that you will remember for the rest of your life.  When you choose vendors and professionals, it is okay to be excited and expect them to be excited for you.  If something isn’t clear, ask questions.  If you aren’t sure about anything, delay making a decision, or paying a deposit until you can gather more information, time permitting.  Planning far enough in advance affords you the time to choose vendors well.  If you hire a planner, share any concerns you may have with them.  They may have the history and background to address your issues quickly or find other referrals who can.

Finally, be realistic and fair in your choosing.  Some personalities work better together than others.  If you and a vendor simply do not share the same “vibe”, decide how important that is to you if you love their work. This may not be a good idea for the planner, who is your right hand and, sometimes, your representative.  But, it may be okay that you aren’t warm fuzzy with the baker who can create the Lemon/Raspberry cake with Swiss butter cream icing of your dreams.  A vendor has provided you with good value when they communicate to set proper expectations, deliver consistently on their promises and especially on event day.  You deserve that. Your gut just makes sure you know it.